Christians are straight up FREAKS
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
