all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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