Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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