Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
