Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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