The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
