I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
