i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your penis caused this!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
