My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
