i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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