508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
