I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
