You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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