I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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