The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
