I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
