Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
