Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
