So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
