I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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