your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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