I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
