never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
