i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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