Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
