He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
