I wish I could teleport
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
