help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
