so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
