Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Come on in and take your pants off
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