"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
