mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
