just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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