He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
