I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
