I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
