if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
