Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
it hurts more in the daytime
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
