I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
