went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
