Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
