but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Buhtt sex?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
