Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
