you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
