I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
