id be glad to
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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