remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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