My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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