My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
