the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
