So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Life is so much better after having sex.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
