I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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