I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
