It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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