it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
