My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
two words...techno handjob
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
