Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
